COACH 101: ONLINE COACHING RESOURCES
You can change yourself (ps. you just need to let go of your labels)
Sometimes, we feel lost about how to create change. We become blocked and frustrated, finding plenty of excuses to justify why we are not getting results. Let’s start by examining some of the excuses we give ourselves to avoid change:
“I guess I am just like this…”
“It’s in my genes…”
“My mother/father is the same; I just inherited this from them.”
Challenge the assumption that you are 'just like this'
As mentioned in the previous post, there is a common false assumption that needs to be challenged: the assumption that you are somehow fixed and can’t be changed.
Perhaps you define yourself as shy, insecure, pessimistic, indecisive, rigid, a perfectionist, broken, or other unhelpful traits. It’s common to over-identify with certain unhelpful characteristics simply because they’ve been with you for a long time. However, believing that any of these define you by nature and that you can’t change because “I am just like that” is precisely what prevents you from making changes.
The thing is, you are not defined by any of these traits, as there is no fixed version of yourself. Your brain and everything in you is constantly changing. This permanent state of change gives you the power and opportunity to transform yourself for the better.
Labels can limit your full potential
As we journey through life, we pick labels that we use to build our identity. As we collect and store these labels, we start defining ourselves based on them. We start over-identifying with the labels and believing “I am this, I am that”.
It’s important to recognize that these labels don’t constitute your core being. Whether consciously or unconsciously, you are deciding to stick to them, but it is a choice whether you want to keep them or drop them. In other words, you can change how pessimistic, rigid, insecure, or fearful you are. You can let go any label that doesn’t serve you: shy, boring, a failure…
In fact, you should be extremely careful on what labels you identify with, because they can limit your capacity to achieve who you truly want to be.
It’s essential to not over-identify yourself with any unhelpful labels you might have picked at some point in your life
Holding onto unhelpful labels influences your success
Let’s land on a specific example. One day, Avery receives an invitation to be a keynote speaker. Avery’s immediate thought is: –I would accept this invitation to be a keynote speaker, but I am too shy. Avery declines the invitation based on an over-identification with the label ‘shy.’
You can experience shyness or insecurity at a given moment, which is a transitory state. However, this is distinct from adopting the label ‘shy’ or ‘insecure’ and defining your entire identity based on it. If aware of this difference, Avery would have been able to accept the appointment: –I might feel shy at some point during the talk, but it will just pass, I can do it well despite that.
Realize that you aren’t anything fixed, other than a human being. This should be the only label I recommend you use to define yourself…and also to define others. Understanding that you are not pre-defined, not inherently set in a way that cannot be changed, is critical to activating your capacity for self-rewiring and transformation.
In fact, it is best to just not identify with any labels (other than a human being), even when they look presumably harmless (some other time I will explain why so). That might sound a bit awkward at first, but I wouldn’t really spend time writing about it if it wasn’t important.
Letting go of your labels liberates you from suffering
Dropping the labels is not only fundamental to be able to activate your capacity for self-rewiring, but it goes beyond that.
When we hold on labels and assume them as part of who we are, we also tend to protect them, even when they work against us. Because of that, we offer resistance to trouble-shoot and make the process of working towards a healthier version of ourselves much more difficult.
Our thinking process goes into this direction:
“I am an overthinker, I am a pessimist, I am a failure… probably I am broken”.
Which involves a lot of suffering and mental pain that could be saved.
In contrast, when we finally understand that these are just mental processes that we can let go of, rather than integral parts of our being, our thinking process evolves into something more similar to:
“My head is doing overthinking, my head is entering a spiral of negativity…let me correct that before it worsens, using the techniques I know”
We become capable of identifying when our mind is headed in the wrong direction and, with the right techniques, we can troubleshoot and redirect our mind towards a healthier path.
Once you realize that you are not defined by these mental processes, you shift your self-perception. You become more capable of observing your mind-brain ecosystem from a non-emotionally attached perspective, akin to how a doctor analyzes a body, or a computer engineer analyzes a computer. This shift liberates you from holding onto suffering and from falsely assuming that you cannot do anything about it because you are ‘just like that’.
Key takeaways
- To activate a conscious self-rewiring capacity, you need to let go of your labels
- Your brain is in a permanent state of change. This gives you the power and opportunity to transform yourself for the better
- Identifying yourself with unhelpful labels can limit your success
Letting go of your labels liberates you from suffering
Ready for a more intensive, fast, and effective process? Discover how the Conscious Self-Rewiring Coaching Method can accelerate your personal growth. Book a complimentary 30-minute discovery call with Dr. Laura to explore the Healthy Success Coaching program. Coaching sessions online. In-person coaching sessions in Dubai and the UAE.