COACH 101: ONLINE COACHING RESOURCES
Is changing a habit really that difficult?
In the previous article, we saw how thoughts, emotions, and body are interrelated. I concluded by highlighting the body as your instrument to take action.
We initiate an action with a thought: “I want to eat sweets”, and then use our body to complete the action. Conscious actions that become regular practice eventually become your habits, and evolve into automated behaviors.
But the question is, how can I change an unhealthy habit?
Let’s revisit your “brainforest” to see how it looks like there.
Back to the Brainforest
Imagine your brain looks like a forest. In this forest, there are paths. Some of these paths are frequently used by excursionists. Therefore, they are wider and clearer. Others are so forgotten that nearly disappeared, and some have not yet been discovered. Some of these paths lead to amazing destinations, such as pristine lakes, while others lead to unpleasant spots with nettles and weeds.
When a destination becomes extremely popular, the rangers taking care of this forest eventually build a road and operate shuttles. After this happens, the excursionists just massively and comfortably ride the shuttles, no longer needing to pay attention on how to reach the destination.
In your brainforest, the excursionists are your thoughts. The more thoughts using the same pathway to reach a certain destination, the broader it becomes. If some destinations receive fewer thoughts, they will narrow or even disappear. If a destination has never been explored, there will be no pathway to it. Your brain also has its own ‘rangers’ landscaping accordingly, to facilitate the faster movement of your thoughts towards certain destinations.
In essence, your thoughts are the excursionists utilizing the pathways in your brain, shaping your brain landscape based on where they go.
Your habits are destinations that initially attracted many thoughts. Eventually, roads with shuttle services were built to reach the destination more effortlessly, and became automated behaviors.
Your habits are the destinations that became popular among your thoughts.
Why am I not managing to change an unhealthy behavior?
When we want to change an unhealthy habit, we typically give the order to our rangers to block the road – so to speak:
“I have to stop drinking, I have to quit smoking, I have to stop texting my ex-…”
Similarly, when we want to form a new habit, we tend to give orders to our rangers to open the road:
“I have to go to the gym, I have to eat healthily, I have to go out to meet new people…”
The rangers try to obey, but you are giving them conflicting or nonsensical information regarding what you are really trying to achieve.
This is why:
- You can’t want not to want
- You cannot give orders to open a road when there is no road created yet
If the sentence you can’t want not to want is hard to understand on itself, imagine how it sounds in your brain!
You are aware there is this unpleasant destination with weeds that you are trying to avoid. Let’s say it is texting your ex, eating too much sugar, or drinking alcohol.
The reason why trying to repress yourself from unwanted behaviors doesn’t work is because all the thoughts related to the ugly destination use the same path, no matter the direction.
This is exactly the same as when excursionists travel to a destination. It doesn’t matter the direction, some are trying to head to the spot (“I want to smoke”), some are trying to head back (“I don’t want to smoke”). All use the same path. By thinking that you don’t want to do something, you are actually just bringing more thoughts to the same path, hence, making it even wider.
When you repress yourself from doing something, your are just putting more pressure to your brain. On the one hand, you ask the rangers to block the road and, on the other, you are bringing even more traffic to that road!
The reasons preventing you from changing an unhealthy habit are:
- You can’t want not to want
- You cannot give orders to open a road if there is no road
Forget the old roads, focus on an appealing alternative
We get stuck with behaviors and persons we don’t want to just because we don’t see alternatives, and the reason we don’t see good alternatives is because we have not created paths in our brain leading to alternative amazing destinations.
Instead of trying to repress yourself from doing something or focussing on what you don’t want, focus on opening a new path. Remember: the more traffic you send to a destination, the easier it becomes to reach it – no matter if it is good or bad.
The key is to find something else that you also want, rather than trying to not want something.
When we want to change an unhealthy habit, we need to sit and reflect on what could be a genuinely appealing alternative destination first. It necessarily has to be something you want, not something you think you ‘have to’ do. And then start sending your thoughts to the new destination.
Sometimes, we get a bit blocked trying to find an alternative, just because the new path doesn’t exist yet, or because we don’t know how to open it. It then requires a bit more of in depth analysis. I will cover this as well as how to form new habits and start sending thoughts to the new destination more in depth in future editions. You have enough food for “thought”, for now 🙂
All the thoughts related to the ugly destination use the same path, no matter the direction: The key is to find something else that you also want, rather than trying to not want something.
Key takeaways
- Your habits are the destinations that became popular among your thoughts.
- The reasons preventing you from changing an unhealthy habit are:
- You can’t want not to want
- You cannot give orders to open a road if there is no road
- All the thoughts related to the ugly destination use the same path, no matter the direction: By thinking that you don’t want to do something, you are actually just bringing more thoughts to the same path, hence, making it even wider.
- The key is to find something else that you also want, rather than trying to not want something.
Ready for a more intensive, fast, and effective process? Discover how the Conscious Self-Rewiring Coaching Method can accelerate your personal growth. Book a complimentary 30-minute discovery call with Dr. Laura to explore the Healthy Success Coaching program. Coaching sessions online. In-person coaching in Dubai and the UAE.