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How to overcome public speaking anxiety (part I)
How many times have you googled how to overcome public speaking anxiety?
I still recall hearing my voice shaking through the speakers during my first important conference as a doctoral fellow (ironically, in Communication) more than fifteen years ago. If the very idea of public speaking makes you freeze, you’ll probably roll your eyes at the typical post or book telling you to ‘know your audience’, ‘rehearse’, and ‘breathe’ that supposedly should solve your anxiety. Believe me, I feel you.
But can you imagine no longer feeling nervous and genuinely enjoying being in front of an audience?
It turns out, achieving this isn’t just possible, but surprisingly easy to change. Once you understand the true reasons that keep your fear alive and how to self-rewire for each of them, you can set yourself fully free from your anxiety. Yes, fully. Don’t aim for anything less. I can genuinely say that, at present, delivering keynotes to large audiences is one of the activities I enjoy the most.
Here are seven unexpected reasons why we get afraid of public speaking that you probably never considered before (beyond rehearsing and breathing!), and the corresponding seven self-rewiring strategies to fully overcome your anxiety.
If you roll your eyes at the typical advice telling you to “breathe”and “rehearse” to overcome public speaking anxiety, this article is for you.
Reason 1. Are you trying to get rid of fear and anxiety, by any chance?
As counterintuitive as this might sound, it is one of the biggest mistakes. Because anxiety and fear are unpleasant emotions, it is natural that we don’t want to experience them, so we try to find ways of getting rid of them.
Self-Rewiring Strategy 1. Don’t push to get rid of your fear, just go with it
The more you focus on unpleasant emotions, the more you make them grow. Fear and anxiety are like that crying baby, the more attention you pay to them, the more protagonism you give them. If you don’t pay them attention, they will discreetly vanish.
Just ignore your unpleasant emotions
Reason 2: Are you focusing on yourself, perhaps?
We don’t like hearing this, but it’s actually quite crucial. Making your public speaking intervention about yourself grows your anxiety.
Self-Rewiring Strategy 2: Focus on being there for your audience
This is not about you, it’s about your audience, about what you can offer them that is valuable. Whenever you step on stage, your first thought as you look at your audience for the first time should be: I am here for you. (Yes, please, you can also breathe, it will definitely help to keep you alive 🙂 .
“I am here for you!” should be your first thought as you step on stage
Reason 3: You are actually not afraid of public speaking...
Again, a bit counterintuitive, but once you start analyzing your fear at a deeper level, you will realize that most likely you are not afraid of speaking, as such, but of negative evaluation (e.g., people thinking you are incompetent).
Self-Rewiring Strategy 3: Practice compassion (yes, you read correctly)
We generally expect people to treat us the same way we treat them. If you judge people, you will expect people to judge you. If you are harsh and lacking compassion, you will expect others to react the same way with you. If you criticize them, same thing.
If you learn to treat others more compassionately, your expectations on how you’ll be treated on stage by others will change, and you’ll be less scared of your audience.
If you judge and criticize, you expect being judged and criticized: practice compassion
Reason 4. Are you trying to 'fly away’?
If you are scared of public speaking is most likely because you are perceiving the situation as a threat. When we perceive something as a threat, fear gets activated. Fear serves an adaptive purpose. Imagine you had to survive in the jungle and your body didn’t have the right mechanisms to prepare you to react to real threats. You would easily become a lion’s breakfast. When there is a threat, our body gets ready for a fight or flight response. So you either face the threat or you run away…and you are trying to run away from your speaking intervention.
Self-Rewiring Strategy 4: Get ready for the 'fight'
Rewiring yourself to not perceive public speaking as a threat is the ideal scenario. In the meantime, you probably don’t want to ‘fly’ from your public speaking commitment because it would have consequences. Whenever you experience fear, choose the fight instead. Tell yourself: my brain and body are just helping me get ready for the action, no need to do anything about it.
Choose the fight, not the flight
Stay tuned for part II… 🙂
Ready for a more intensive, fast, and effective process? Discover how the Conscious Self-Rewiring Coaching Method can accelerate your personal growth. Book a complimentary 30-minute discovery call with Dr. Laura to explore the Healthy Success Coaching program. Coaching sessions with Dr. Laura can be scheduled online and in person in Dubai and the UAE.